november is coming to an end and i don't think i've have learnt much from what i think i should.. perhaps once again i'm still naive or eager on my progress.. i've forgotten about my original ability on learning things. i'm always a tad slower than others in comprehending everything. especially things that i have the urge to know more about. and that i'm always forgetful. everything can't seems to stick inside my head. and i'm not meticulous enough to everything around me. why am i like that? is it because i'm not suited for this? or that i'm not gonna be trained for this? or, i'm never going to achieve the ability or skills that i want to? i am feeling negative right now looking at the progress of the 22 years... or rather minus-ing the baby years, it's 17 years. 17 years of not being able to remember stuff in the head, not able to grasp the knowledge or environment or whatever that's happening, and not been meticulous enough to the extent of necessity? i do really feel frustrated once in awhile for these inabilities that i have. how in the world can i ever remember to keep these wanted abilities and transform them into reality for myself? perhaps i haven't yearn for them enough to the extent that i would forgo my sleep to gain these power. but these powerful abilities will definitely change my life, my career, my path, my everything. with Better REMEMBER i can COMPREHEND More and to be More METICULOUS as well. i'm not saying that other abilities are unimportant, but these are the current ones which i have been lacking all along. all the 17 years in my life. i should get them and i NEED them! i can't believe that to edit a component and some minor adjustments i need to take more than a few hours to complete it!! i.. i just can't accept it! it's a total waste of time and energy. i need to bloody hell get rid of the negative abilities in me and get the positive ones in! in order for my next phrase of life to begin.. i shall give myself another two months to adapt to this new environment and be satisfied with myself, my work, my attitude, my capability nevertheless.
YES, I CAN DO IT EVEN IF THE SKIES FALL UPON ME.
besides the above, i want to remind myself too of the following phrase, it is often left behind by me too.
